Quem sabe ponha o dado no ar!

1st half

2011-10-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

"If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough"

Human Resources Management: Nuno Guimarães

“I don’t like managers – I am a manager myself, but I don’t like managers!”

“Managers are potential sociopaths”

“We are creating machines, not people – you are becoming senseless, heartless machines.”

“In the time that the baby boomers started to boom...”

Marketing in a Dynamic World: Jorge Velosa

“I hope you have taken a Marketing course before, because if you didn’t, you will suffer!”

“I've become an assassin: if I could, I would kill them…” [regarding the relationship between Customer Satisfaction and Customer Retention, in what concerns TV operators in Portugal]

Quality Management: Sonia Dahab

“You might not be doing good comparations”

“If I don't create a partnership with my supplier or my partner…”

“A supplier is like a girlfriend…”

“Well, fail is part of life…”

“Imagine I am the inventor of ice cream – so important!!”

“I am now the customer, you are the clients!” [oookay…]

“If there are any doubts we have an extra class to take out the doubts.”

Studying IS

2011-06-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Prof. Margarida Piteira

Prof.: “Twenty-three?”

Aluno: “What do you want?”

“Who is the group that is missing?”

“Next week is the last one – thank God!”

“And based on how the work is dóne…”

“Custómers needs”

“Nayvigaybiliti” [navigability]

“Almost last, chapter 11”

“Technologi and productivity”

“You will have a good evaluation: no more than 50!” […?]

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“Based on this class’ presentations, it seems that my passions are baseball and garbage… – well, only one is correct!”

“I think it’s a good case, and you’ll disagree…”

“What enables this? Your best friend: database!”

“Let’s go through it, I don’t want to destroy the excitement of knowing this!”

“If you have a strange accounting department that had a little too much fun the night before (…)”

“This is a big «no, no!» […] from the top, top!”

“Sorry. Man, I confuse myself!”

“So, that was kind of boring, right?” [depois de uns 20 minutos a falar de internet…]

“If you’re in this page and you have no idea what you’re doing, don’t worry, there’s excitement behind this page!!”

“In the internet there is no physical interaction – but in the real world, if you go to Zara, for instance, (…)”

“Is not for me to get pain – ‘cause I get a lot of pain…”

"And I got one [error] that really worried me out. This error said that I had done something successfully!"

“You’re the smartest group of students I’ve ever had!”

Studying Strategy

2011-06-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“The president was pissed with me, obviously… but I was not fired, because I was the magician!”

“Wake up people! This is Strategy, good business!”

“Do you understand the problem we have in Europe? We’re doomed!”

“It’s very thin, very tasty, it’s fu--expensive!”

“This delusion that management is management is a delusion…” [whaaat?]

“They were extremely successful in bankrupting companies!”

“Really? I thought we fought, for many years, something called «freedom of speech» – in fact, we invented the fucking concept!”

“I will increase the grades of some people because of two reasons: first, because I can (…)”

“Where you will self inflict – inflict yourself (…)”

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“You’re paying a 4€ chocolate bar, why wouldn’t he tell you the story of how he fools you? – I bought it, by the way… – I lost all your respect, right? Well, but it is really good…!”

“The F word. The F shouldn’t be controversial. It should remind you about flowers…”

“It’s not 100% sure that you learn from success; if you’re stupid, you won’t learn!”

“Oh, I should be smarter!” [ao perceber que tinha feito uma pergunta que já estava respondida nos slides, quando um aluno disse a resposta, apontando para o ecrã]

“A rule of thumb is 5 or 6. It’s OK if you give me 5. You can give me 4, I’m totally OK with that. Actually, you can not answer at all!”

“Everything will sell in NYC, because there is someone weird enough to buy it!”

“Fuck, this is a great deal!”

“Don’t be retarded!”

Prof. Mark Wolters

“And then, we are going to talk about horizontal integration – in a non-dirty way!”

“Why would I sell to my competitors? No, no. Fuck you! You’re gone!”

“(…) but I’ve put all my eggs in Joana’s basket!”

Aluno: “What about the textbook?”

Mark: “What about it?”

Aluno: “Don’t we need it?”

Mark: “Guys, I’ve given this class for 4 years and I’ve never opened the textbook…”

Studying OM

2011-06-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“IQ is equal to I times U”

“If you increase the speed of the elevator is worse because you increase the probability of failure, and then the elevator stops between 2 floors, and then you have people crying…”

“The time it makes to make the check-in”

“If you want an example… … … no, forget it. It’s too complex!”

“Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t like to compute that…” [depois de gritar e confessar que estava entusiasmado por, finalmente, ir calcular integrais]

“LOOK! There is a value there!” [a falar da tabela de “Loss Function” da Normal…]

“You will not never be able to sell units!”

“OK, this is all very nice, but (…)” [a desafiar o seu próprio argumento]

“And now, let’s do some magic!”

“We don’t never want variability, but variability is a part of life!”

“Let’s assume that we go there to buy chocapics, they don’t have, and we come back next Monday to buy them!”

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Como podemos ver [olha para a tela] desapareceu?! Coisas muito estranhas acontecem nesta sala… e tudo por culpa do Frederico, aposto!”

Frederico: “Professora, eu não vou dizer outra vez que se esqueceu de verificar o equilíbrio do sistema…”

Prof.: “Oh Frederico, você veja lá!”

“Ficam com KR. KR nada, estou a delirar!”

“Eu hoje estou completamente choné, mas não faça comentários!

“Criaturas! Por amor de Deus! Vamos morrer aqui, todos, assados!”

Studying Marketing

2011-06-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

Prof. Paula Matos

“Your competitor is not anymore only the (…)”

“We don’t make babies in Portugal”

“We have the three: Introduction, Growth, Maturity, and Decline”

“Could you please slow down or to go out?”

“You milk the business!”

“My life is milk and cous!” [cows]

“And I have 2 examples, I guess, in the next slide”

“The hairs fly like waves”

“(…) in order to gain sensitibility”

“Let’s go to ask to my plan what went wrong”

“After three years, if the product continues in the market, which is the case in many, many cases (…)”

“It’s not at all difficult!”

“This plan should be current with the financial approach” [coherent]

“An animatic is a kind of banda desenhada”

“And you don’t invest too many money”

“So, market research can be used in almost everything – absolutely everything!”

“You want why? To know more!”

“I want why? I want why?”

“I’m talking about research because why?”

“I put myself on the position of a little bit ignorant”

Aluno: “I understand that theoretically, but, in the real life, who cares?

Prof.: [em choque] “Who cares? Who cares? We care!!”

“OK, you are just people…”

“The type of the product or the type of the category…” [the category of the product]

“I don’t want romances!”

Prof. Rafael Garrido

“He produces and, at the same time, sells the gods – goods!”

“(…) a shampoo was a shampoo – now you have different… er… flavors. [risos] well, not flavors, don’t drink them!”

Studying OB

2011-06-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

[a falar de Justiça e OCB, e depois de o professor perguntar porque é que as pessoas denunciam as empresas...] Aluno: "It can be to get recognition."

Prof: "Yes, a cynical would say that!"

"You should know these things, this is Portuguese... Well, actually it's English, but it's the same!"

"Most people in the developed world – an even in Portugal (...)"

"When you read this in the exam you'll be like «WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!»"

[ainda a falar sobre o exame] "You won't be surprised, now you are expecting almost everything... But at least you are scared!!"

[e mais ainda…] "Don't try to guess what's in my mind... because you're not in my mind and I'm kind of twisted...!"

[depois de ninguém saber explicar o conceito de groupthink:] "When you're all drunk, and João is driving at 200km/h, and you're all saying «Go, João, go!», and then one of you says «Maybe you should stop the car» and the others say «Shut up! Go, João, go!». And then «BAM!!», and you all die. This is groupthink!"

"It'5 5 minutes before the end of the class, but I don't feel like going on..."

"É muito fácil impressionar pessoas ignorantes!"

[a falar sobre o exame – outra vez] "Isto é um bocado como o jogo do gato e do rato: vocês tentam copiar e nós tentamos apanhar-vos..."

[fazendo a distinção entre líderes e gestores] "Os líderes têm visão. Se bem que os gestores também têm olhos..."

"São duas coisas que eu gostava de fazer: uma é dar cursos de liderança; a outra é vender à minha sogra coisas caras que não servem para nada!"

[a contar uma conversa que ele e uma aluna tinham tido sobre o Mourinho] "«Mas não o acha minimamente carismático?» / «Não, não, ele é só parvo!»"

"Eu acho que se vivesse numa monarquia era monárquico; vivendo numa república sou republicano – o que é o mesmo que dizer que me estou a lixar para isso!"

"Mas qual é a legitimidade das bestas?!"

[a falar, novamente, sobre o exame…] "(...) motivation, job satisfaction - I'm so sick about this!"

Prof. Ricardo Rodrigues

Prof: "Do you remember the Hawthorn studies? [grande silêncio] Please say «yes!»."

Alunos: "Yes!"

Prof: "OK, good!"

Prof: "You have Marketing, right?"

Aluna: "No, Strategy."

Prof: "Whatever!"

inNOVAtion

2011-04-10T10:02:00.000-07:00

Sessão de Esclarecimento de Dúvidas acerca dos Programas de Mestrado

Prof. Daniel Traça

“We like to think we’re innovative – you can just say we’re weird!...”

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

“How many times have government projections been right? Ah! Ah!”

“«Philosophy people, let’s do a spreadsheet!» / «Oh, I can do that. Here, I can spread these sheets!»”

“Every Tuesday we strike against a government that doesn’t exist anymore…”

“I was a dirty slug, I don’t remember!”

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“We are more classy [than Spanish people] – or more dumb…”

“And I’m not the kind of person who mocks other people…”

“I had NO clothes… – well, I had SOME clothes, obviously!”

“I hope you read books, even though they are full of BBB and BLC – Big Bags of Bullshit and Big Loads of Crap.”

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“If I started to talk about the Norwegian wood industry, you’d fall asleep – more than you already are.”

“I’m sure you already knew this, I was just trying to draw some nice things on the board” [depois de desenhar um autocarro, um comboio e um avião]

“(…) for chance, which is luck, and for government, which is bad luck!”

Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“With different amounts of economic levels…”

“Can I give me, myself, the pleasure (…)?”

“We are speaking with the eyes of the distribution!”

“That means that I don’t would have it as a target.”

“These exchanges are grouped… in some groups.”

“A big amount of quantity.”

“We continue next… tomorrow.”

“The consumer, in this case, is not a normal consumer; it’s me, for example.”

“You go out from the downtown” [quando as empresas seleccionam o local para se estabelecerem, p.e. supermercado que se afasta do centro da cidade]

“Don’t think that we live all in the same world, ‘cause we don’t. Bom… Everything clear?”

“Comparission” [comparison]

“We want to maximize the target that is consuming our product. Actually, or in the future.”

Prof. Rafael Garrido

“Here, you have already presented the market butt – budget!”

“If you’re analyzing the country of origin from the country (…)”

Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

“Reality is like something that happens…”

“Don’t be like hyenas – they just eat dirt and they’re always laughing…”

“(…) Imagine that one of them is you, and the other one is from Lusófona! *risos* For Erasmus students, it’s a joke, ‘cause Lusófona is lousy!”

“In Roman, in Roman, sorry, in Rome!...”

“The ice is breaked…”

“Amn’t I?!”

“They told me everything. Everything! Good stuff!”

“I don’t want, I don’t want – no, it’s not what I want… – I don’t want – and here I go again…”

Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“I’m not just asking a question, I’m also asking what will be my next question.”

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Já tinha corrigido as notas (…)”

“O que é o Iq? Não é o Ikea, é o Iq…”

“Só para depois não gerar pânico…!”

“Porque é que eu comecei a calcular a probabilidade de P0? Não estou com nenhum delírio, não!”

“Não fiquem assustados com as fórmulas porque elas são o menor dos vossos problemas…!”

Prof: “O Frederico está desatento!”

[…]

Frederico: “A Professora está desatenta!” [depois de a professora ter perguntado o significado de I quando, na realidade, queria perguntar o significado de Tq]

Prof: “A melhor calculadora, teóricas, práticas, tudo! Podem trazer tudo!”

Aluno: “O exame é com consulta?!”

Prof: “Estou a brincar, não podem trazer nada!”

Prof: “Oh amarelo! João! Como é que você se chama?!”

Aluno: “Gonçalo!”

Sistemas de Informação

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“No questions on that? No? God, I’m good at this!”

Prof.ª Margarida Piteira

“Tomorrow you will always have 60 points!”

Back from the shadows

2011-04-03T03:54:00.000-07:00

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

“I have no fucking chance in hell!”

“There’s hard, and then there’s fucking insane hard! And it was it…”

“(…) you motherfuckers!”

“And then you’re like «Dude, you’re a dick! Why didn’t you give me a cookie in the first place?!»”

“I could be friends with someone from Sporting, even though their retarded…”

“And guys, let me tell you, there are some ugly babies…”

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“I was passing by and I faced these 8 dead bodies in my living room…”

“In case you don’t have anything better to do in a Saturday afternoon, you can always screw your neighbor.”

“You must be aware that half of what I say is a blunt lie, and the other half is highly questionable…”

“Zé Manel, canalizador e outros desenrascanços, 24horas por dia, unipessoal limitada!”

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“Each truck has a radio and you can say all kinds of nasty things…”

Aluno: “What about mergers?”

Prof: “Virgins? What about them?”

Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“Ever age” / “Ever rage” [average]

“Cous” [cows]

“Could you please slow down or to go out?”

“You milk the business”

“My life is milk and cous, what do you expect?” [cous = cows]

“We have the three: introduction, growth, maturity and decline”

“Your competitor is not anymore only the…” [what?!]

“We don’t make babies in Portugal” [confere, eles vêm de França…]

“If you go to the R and D development center…” [and D stands for…?!]

“Let’s go to be smart!”

“Because why?”

“(…) er, sei lá! I don’t know!”

“Accountability” [accounting]

“It cannot be ped” [paid]

Prof. Rafael Garrido

“Ua-how?” [Whow = why + how]

“Hairplane” [airplane]

“Hage” [age]

“Hincome” [income]

Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Ricardo Rodrigues

“You all want to eat and drink, which is fine!”

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

Aluno: “I have a doubt.”

Prof: “Not a doubt, a question; doubts are about God.”

Prof: “Imagine that you work at the cash regist-- regist--”

Aluno: “Register.”

Prof: “That!”

“I was driving at 230km/h… Stupid man!”

Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“Please try to guess what I’m looking for.”

“Don’t smile!”

“You’re making my life hard today…”

“What I have here is a quiz, but don’t worry; don’t start to leave now!”

“ IQ is equal to I times U.”

“The intuition here is not so much a question of intuition.”

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“104 pacotes de 4 bolinhos cada… - são bolinhos especiais!”

“(…) o trio aí de trás – mas você está incluído!” [a falar para o “trio” (de quatro elementos, a quem uns chamam quarteto) que estava a perturbar a aula]

“Isto é uma oferta para os benfiquistas que estão desgostosos.” [ao utilizar uma caneta vermelha no quadro]

“Tenho uma capacidade para interpretar a vossa mente… Sou quase mentalista!”

“É pleonasmo, né? Já não me lembro, mas vou ter que recordar, porque a minha criatura está a chegar a essa fase. Lá vou eu recordar esse drama…!”

Sistemas de Informação

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“You can’t fix everyone’s pants!”

Prof.ª Margarida Piteira

“Who wants to be the first to start?”

“It’s the main basically”

“Custs” [costs]

“We must participate in a disciplaine way.”

“You must sink about (…)” [think]

“The responsibilitY of the discUssions (…)”

Contabilidade de Gestão

Prof. Rui Augusto

“We have two pussibilities” […]

Carnival break

2011-03-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

Prof: “Are you from economics?”

Aluna: “Yes.”

Prof: “You’re going to burn in hell...”

Prof: “Oh, that’s a very nasty thought!”

Aluno: “Yeah, but it works!”

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“And people were still stupid enough to buy premium”

“Oh, I love this! And this is from the book, not from me.”

Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“I’m going to use your argument. Follow me!”

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Descontracção e estupidez natural ao mesmo tempo!”

“O primeiro passo é abrir o programa.” [a explicar como funciona o MS Project]

“Save us” [save as]

“Olha, apareceu agora! Há coisas que não dá para entender…” [quando, subitamente, o gráfico de Gantt apareceu]

“Quem é que concorda com o Manel? Ninguém? Ainda bem!”

Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“You are going to put your money to the rubbish” [aka you’re going to throw your money away]

“They don’t valorize your product” [they don’t value]

“I’m going to sell one million of bananas”

“You have 19, 20 (years old)” [you are]

“They are here 2, 3 years and then they go out.”

Semana 3

2011-03-07T03:09:00.001-08:00

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

“I need a volunteer…” – agarra num aluno ao acaso e levanta-o da cadeira – “Thank you!”

“STOP! They can’t keep up, you’re too smart for them!”

“Yaaaaayyy! Filipe did it!”

“Just because Cristiano Ronaldo knows how to play, you don’t have to listen to what he says, ‘cause he’s kind of… stupid.”

“(…) and because of him I can be here at the best economics faculty in Portugal – if I should thank him? I don’t know…”

“It’s like when a student says «If I was teaching this course …» – well, maybe you’d do a better job than me, so this is a bad example.”

“(…) and if you’re the boss and you think everyone will listen to what you say, you’re fucking crazy!”

“’Cause if you’re a worthless piece of shit no one is going to fucking follow you!”

“You can’t even manage a girlfriend for one week, how can you manage a company for a year?!”

“Oh my God! Is that clock working or is it stopped at the right time?”[acompanhado de uma cara MUITO assustada!]

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“It had all sorts of buttons and lights… If you darkened the kitchen, it looked beautiful; it’s just like a Christmas tree!” [a falar sobre uma máquina de lavar loiça]

“Before becoming a professor, I actually worked for 20 years – it’s not something I’m very proud of, but I did.”

“There were people down, promenading their dog – and then I thought to myself «I could have killed a dog!».” [a falar de quando, ao escrever uma tese importantíssima, o computador portátil avariou subitamente e, em jeito de revolta desmedida, o professor pegou nele e o atirou pela janela (das traseiras)]

“(…) and what’s in the book is that bullshit!”

“I will blow your head off while listening to Madonna!” [ao falar de um objecto utilizado para provocar choques eléctricos numa pessoa, que traz consigo um leitor de mp3 (e sim, isto é vendido nos Estados Unidos…!)]

“(…) dull people. Like accountants… People who don’t expect anything from life!”

“When someone gives you Ferrero Rocher, you know that that person doesn’t care a shit about you!”

“Do you feel betrayed by your Strategy Professor? Aaaah, sorry. There will be other disappointments, I promise.”

“Now it’s Snape’s class… Potions!”

“That’s why some people who are missing some teeth go and make some implants: to lie better!”

“Oh, sorry. What an idiot I am!”

“This is my final statement, but this year I’m going to discount this cash flow immediately.”

“It’s a philosopher we have in this country… Teresa Guilherme!”

“No, forget the shareholders; it’s like in real life, they count for nothing.”

“(…) you create a crisis. And then you start writing about ethics. And then… you become a Strategy Professor. Or you become a father or a mother…”

“And when I grabbed the little bastard…” [a falar do nascimento do/a primeiro/a filho/a]

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“So they started to open like hell!” [a falar de quando o grupo Jerónimo Martins começou a abrir muitos supermercados Pingo Doce]

“Poor Mickey Mouse and McDonald’s!”

Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“If I am an agriculture…” [farmer]

“Which is not normally a normal example.”

“(…) better than the «bla bla bla»!”

“(…) but this is more «bla bla bla»!”

“The consumer is a bit limited…”

“People wants to get benefits”

“I’m a white floor” [falando acerca da Farinha (flour) Branca de Neve]

“Have a look on it”

“Because of your Business Forum or whatever!”

Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

“Who would NEVER kill someone?” – ninguém se pronuncia – “Who would do it for FUN?!”

Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“I cannot reveal everything before class!” [em relação a um conjunto de slides que não estava no site da cadeira]

“480 minutes is how many hours? One day!” [considerando um dia de trabalho de 8 horas]

“We are not never talking about (…)” [afinal, estamos ou não estamos?...]

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Oh amiguinhos!...”

“Frederico, não olhe p’ra mim com essa cara, que me faz rir!”

Motivation vs. Satisfaction

2011-02-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

"And if you don’t like the people you’re with, you don’t have to work with them, you can just send e-mails! [risos] What? I’m just saying…"

"Grow the fuck up!"

"It’s like Sim City: the real world, but not really." [a propósito do Jogo]

"You don’t have to play this week because these guys are jerks!"

"Dammit, it sucks!"

"’Cause when you invest, that’s the only thing you fucking care about."

"Here in Portugal we’re screwed: we make no fucking money!"

"What the fuck?!"

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

"Try to avoid an heart surgery. They cut you in half, open up your torso and… well, it’s not very nice."

"Great stuff! «Like»" [acompanhado de um "thumbs up"]

"The next morning, the kid wakes up – ‘cause it’s good to wake up; it means you’re not dead."

"No shit! I did a Business Plan for this thing."

"It’s all ethical; nobody lies in the financial world."

"I come from the place where all the retarders in Portugal come from: Alentejo."

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

"That’s a kick in the balls of Strategy!"

"Wow, I have a beautiful handwriting."

"It surprises my own memory!"

"Don’t feel obsolete."

Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

"I would like to be respect when I’m present class."

"Implementation, evolution and controlling. Controlling, controlling of everything. Controlling!" [Implementation, evolution and control]

"[The Marketing plan] is not anymore adapted."

"I make some scanners." [I made some scannings]

"If you have a big lost."

"It’s a bit difficulty."

"First, you are going to be followed by Rafael." [medo...!]

"You open your imagination, but not too much!"

"Finally, almost, but not less important…" [aka, Last but not least]

Prof. Rafael Garrido

"How many money (…)?"

"I hope now you can start you Marketing Plan, ‘cause I was told you were a bit lost… [não obtém resposta] You are still lost!?"

Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

"We want motivated people, ‘cause just satisfied people might produce 0."

"I only accept undeveloped countries; the only almost developed country I want is Portugal."

"I’m always saying bad things about Portugal, but this is not Portugal; it happened in the United States!!"

"Please, don’t trust your colleagues."

"History? Bleh, show me the money!" [a falar da reacção dos alunos relativamente ao primeiro tópico do Programa]

"I think this is the most interesting topic of the course. OK, now you’re afraid!" [ainda em relação à vertente histórica da Cadeira]

"I do that very often. Try calling to a Call Center and treat them like people."

"(…) and then she gave me her name, which is not normal, ‘cause they have no names; they are talking machines!" [ainda a propósito de pessoas que trabalham em Call Centers]

"This question is perfect. It wasn’t done by me? … Well, it is a really good exam question!"

"The most obvious moment is when you have a child. It’s not the same as a cat or a dog!" [a propósito de comportamentos, responsabilidades e dependências…]

Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

"If you think of a simple example, for example."

"How many minutes does a person spends in there?"

"Secruty" [Security]

"Look for example, another example."

"And now, problems arrive!"

"Not always you are attend according to the time you arrive."

"It’s the Little Law; not because it’s little, but because it’s the name of someone…"

"What does I know?"

Prof. ª Graça Silva

"Nas minhas turmas só tenho alunos em português."

"Surprise, surprise!"

"Não têm dúvidas, nem existenciais? Nada?"

Sistemas de Informação

Prof.ª Margarida Piteira

"Guys and girls!"

"In this curse…" [course]

"You must have silence!"

"Seven, seven!" [enquanto indica 4 dedos]

"What’s the funny, guys?"

"Not more than two pages maximum."

"You have one points more."

"Tomorrow you have not classes."

"Everyone gives me?" [gave]

[A tentar perceber quem eram os alunos de Intercâmbio naquela turma, dirigindo-se a três de ascendência oriental]

Prof: "You?"

Aluna: "No."

Prof: "You?"

Aluna: "No."

Prof: "Only you?!"

Prof: "First time in Europe?"

Aluno de Intercâmbio: "Yes."

[e continua, para o mesmo aluno] Prof: "First time in Lisbon?"

Prof: "And where are you from?"

Aluna de Intercâmbio: "The United States."

Prof: "Sorry...?"

E para terminar em beleza,

"My message pass to you? My message pass to you? My message pass to you?!"

Pontapé de saída

2011-02-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

[Depois de o professor pedir que cada aluno dissesse algo único sobre si]

Aluna: "I like to eat."

Prof: "Are you from Comida?"

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

"I also have a website. I used it for 12 years, but I guess now it got… dissolved… into cyberspace."

"You don’t need to be a company; the government screws everyone!"

"I am a very cynical person."

"I have no hope; I will burn in the hell of economists."

"I’m not shitting you!"

"You wake up in the morning, go to the bathroom, look yourself in the mirror and what do you see? The cleverest and the most beautiful person in the world – because that’s what you should see. If you see that you’re the only clever person in the world, then something’s wrong with you!"

"What an idiot!"

[Depois de um aluno dizer que o preço de um determinado champô era razoável para o produto em causa] "Have you seen your doctor recently?! 'Cause it isn’t normal…!"

[Para o mesmo aluno] "After a semester with me, you’ll either become a lunatic or be like «I’D SHOVE IT IN THEIR F*CKING FACES AND …»"

Marketing

Prof. Paula Matos

"I don’t expect to be surprised [by your works] because life is not extraordinary; life is normal."

"Are you crazy? Or am I stupid?!"

"The most important value for companies is love."

Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

"If you asked me that three years ago I’d say «Your problem!»; now I’m softer."

[re]Começo

2011-02-16T14:10:00.001-08:00

Diz-se por aí que a “renovada identidade gráfica, em inglês, [da NOVA] (…) é um encontro entre o clássico e o moderno, numa clara aposta na internacionalização e orientação para o futuro”. O próprio Director afirma ser já “tempo de assumirmos a nossa vocação de Escola de nível internacional”.

Porquê, então, uma ementa destas?!

Memories...

2010-07-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

Cálculo I

Prof. José Pinheiro

“Encosta-te a mim e sê minha tangente!”

¡No pasa nada!

2010-05-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

Finanças

Prof. Miguel Ferreira

"There are only two options; please say the wrong one."

"Please don’t remember what we’ve done previously." [alguém estava em negação neste dia…]

História Moderna e Contemporânea

Prof. Luciano Amaral

"(…) and LA doesn’t stand for Luciano Amaral, but for Latin America." [isto porque, obviamente, quando uma pessoa vê “LA”, aquilo que vem de imediato à ideia é – não Los Angeles, não Latin America, mas sim – Luciano Amaral…]

Macroeconomia

Prof. André C. Silva

"(…) uma média de 2.000 kcal/dia. Eu acho isso muito estranho, porque, para mim, uma dieta de 2.000 kcal/dia é uma dieta de fome!"

"Agora tenho a certeza que vocês não vão dormir!" [quando, subitamente, alguém liga o motor de uma máquina bastante barulhenta – corta-relva, motosserra ou algo semelhante –, provocando um despertar imediato naqueles que não conseguiam resistir ao conforto das cadeiras do A14]

Prof. Miguel Faria e Castro

"Se vocês pensarem um bocado chegam à conclusão que o Banco Central é um bocado sacana!"

"Eu há bocado disse que as pessoas com expectativas adaptativas eram burras, mas se calhar exagerei. Elas não são burras, têm só um atraso…!"

Pensamento Crítico

Prof. João Sáàgua

“Isso é perfeitamente abstrudo.”

“Este é um problema que deve ser tratado com pinças!”

Álgebra Linear

Prof. Paulo Bárcia

"É garantido que aquelas coisas existem; não estamos a falar de minotauros!"

Regresso às aulas... e à chuva!

2010-04-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

Finanças

Prof. Miguel Ferreira

Prof: "What’s the advantage of doing this?"

Aluna: "Is it legal?!"

Prof: "Of course it is legal! I don’t teach illegal stuff…"

Professor, MUITO espantado ao ver uma aluna dar um “estalo” a um colega, em plena aula: "Então?! O que é que ele fez?!"

Depois de constatar que não iria obter uma resposta conclui, em tom de 'sermão': "Não se pode bater nos colegas!"

Depois de uma aluna deixar o telemóvel, esquecido, na sala, o professor guarda-o no bolso, à espera que alguém o reclame. Durante a sessão o aparelho toca e a aula, ao contrário da chamada, fica em espera: "Estou? Olá? …" – dirige-se novamente aos alunos e, como se conhecesse perfeitamente quem tinha acabado de telefonar, conclui: "Desligou. Era o Tommy!"

Na mesma aula, o telemóvel torna a tocar: "Estou? É o professor de Finanças. Deixaram o telemóvel no A13. – confirma se aquele é mesmo o número da sala e volta ao telefonema – Sim, deixaram o telemóvel no A13…" – torna a encarar os alunos: "Olha, voltou a desligar. O Tommy não acredita em mim… Para a próxima atendes tu!" – entrega o telemóvel a um aluno ao acaso e continua a dar a aula.

História Moderna e Contemporânea

Prof. Luciano Amaral

"Here we are *big pause* together, *pause* silent, *big pause* as a community. *bigger pause* Today is a sad day: *pause* as you all know, *big pause* Sporting lost!"

Aluno: "But we cannot dissociate these two concepts…"

Prof: "Yes, we can! (…)"

Aluno: "Yes, but we cannot really dissociate these concepts…"

Prof: "Actually, yes, we can!"

Aluno: "(...) I’m not explaining myself well…"

Prof: "In fact, you are not."

"The main difference is the ‘Sexual’ – and not in that sense you are already thinking about!"

"And now we’re going to watch one of those magnificent clips I always found for you."

Macroeconomia

Prof. André C. Silva

"Este consumo vai ter um determinado valor de consumo."

Pensamento Crítico

Prof. João Sáàgua

"Se o raciocínio não pode ser provado, o cálculo está coxo!"

"Existe um indivíduo, o Bernardo, que gosta de si próprio. O Bernardo, que tem um ataque súbito de narcisismo, (…)"

"Vivemos todos num universo de plausibilidade!"