Spring 2012: 1st Half (2)

Analysis of Industry and Competition: Guido Maretto

"The first time I went to Continente, I got lost in the parking lot…"

"We're not gonna draw the whole tree because it would look like a christmas tree…"

"This one is probably going to be easier [talking about Google] because you find a lot of stuff about the internet on the internet."

"You can imagine what would happen to Europe or other developing countries..."

Student: "I don't remember the model"

Prof: "You don't need to remember, you need to think!"

Student: "Argh!"

Prof: "I know, thinking is difficult!"

"Since I am completely brain dead (…)"

Game Theory I: Susana Peralta

"Let's go back to our best friend, Matching Pennies…"

"Relaxing conditions doesn't mean massage or spa… it means less demanding conditions!"

"So, I stop now for games of… … whatever… imperfect information!"

*student gets up and turns off the projector by climbing a chair*

Prof: "I'm so proud of you… [and then for the class] If he would die in my class it would be really bad."

Management Seminar (BCG)

Lecturer 1: "Are you asking... [this, and this, and that]?"

Student: "Yeah, it's basically the opposite…"

Lecturer 2: "You have to enter, and you have to enter hard!"

Persuasion and Negotiation: Pedro Neves

"So please go attend stuff, wherever stuff is!" [about the Business Forum]

"I wish I could be Steve Jobs - well, I guess no one wants to be Steve Jobs now…"

"They find out they're supporters of the same football club – which is kinda obvious, because if you are a successful business man, you know there's only one club to support!"

"I remember when I was a kid - it wasn't that long ago, it was in the 40s…"

Spring 2012: 1st Half

Game Theory I: Susana Peralta

"With 3 players it's still possible; with more than that it gets wild!"

"I'm very much into crime today! Now we move from prisoners to kidnapping!"

"Does anyone have a name for the kidnapper? *silence* No? So, let's say… Susana! I just got away from jail!..."

"Once I get the money, I may still decide to be very nasty…"

"You are the game theorists, I'm the nasty kidnapper!"

"It's very annoying to kill people"

"I don't like to kill children and I didn't get the money, so I'm really sad… and the parents got their child killed, but at least they kept the money!"

"And now I even have 3 colors! I'm so happy!"

*reinforcing our belief about how similar the professor is with Snow White* "Are you still ok with the windows closed? ... It's kinda sad, right?"

Analysis of Industry and Competition: Guido Maretto

[First class] "… I brought the wrong slides…"

[random student goes into the classroom during the middle of the class]: "Is this Statistics?"

Prof: "No."

Student: "Is this A102?"

Prof: "Yes [turns to the class, a bit frightened], but this is AIC, right?"

Class: "Right!"

[another random student goes into the classroom, and while he's looking for a place to sit, the professor shouts] "This is not Statistics!

[an airplane is passing by…] "Shh! Shhh! Shhhhhush!!"

"The bad news is the Math is here to stay…"

[IT guy comes to the auditorium to fix some random problem with the projector/computer. In the end, he speaks in portuguese with the professor] Prof: "Eu não falo português."

Persuasion and Negotiation: Pedro Neves

Prof: "What is the lamest movie that's on the cinema? (…)"

Student: "Twilight!"

[Talking about how good/bad a conflict can be… after calling students "idiots"] "You said conflicts are good… I'm just trying to see what kind of names I can use throughout the semester!"

Prof: "What is the profile of a perfect secretary?"

Student: "Nasty!"

"How many of you are thinking of keeping the course next week?" *most students raise hands* "Gee, not everyone in my house thinks I'm that exciting!"

"Oh, come on! Is this the morning of the living dead?!"

"Do you want me to create an Obama card? Yes, yes you can!"

"You can't have kids on your own… or can you? (…) Well, it comes from somewhere…!"

[a student asks some question about having classes when there's a strike] "I wish I had a phd, that question seems so hard!"

"'cause they know they got you by the… … … belt!"

*writes EXAM on the whiteboard* "I just wanted to say that you are going to have an exam by the end of the course - but now that I have your attention …" *starts class*

"That is the coolest strategy ever - «I didn't cheat on you with that guy yesterday! It was on Tuesday!»"

"If you talk in the classroom, it might reduce the violence in the halls!"

Prof: "And yes, you can use different colors"

Student: "Awww!"

"So, let's not pointing fingers… but it was YOU!"

Prof: "Do you want to hear the results from last week now or in the end of the class?"

Students: "Now!"

Prof: "Yeah, I think I'll use that as a strategy whenever I need to calm you down, but let me just tell you, it is very exciting!"

"We could talk about the worse team in the league… what's its name? it's not Feirense… it's… Yeah, Sporting!"

"There is nothing that is always true - not even in Maths."

Fall 2011: 2nd half

Statistics for Managers: Robert Stinerock

"Just a warning: if you start studying statistics, you'll start to think that way - just don't talk to tour friends like that or they'll stop being friends with you!"

"Just acquire it: borrow it, buy it, steal it, whatever!" [explaining that it was important for students to get the book]

"The publisher told me not to give them to the students - so I'm not giving them to you; I just uploaded them on moodle…"

[After explaining that he used to study subjects such as Physics, Chemistry, and French Literature] "So go figure! That's why I'm doing this now: I wasn't good in any of those!"

"Let's make a cake, shall we? Here are the ingredients - pointing at n, sigma, x-bar and (1-alfa) - and this is the recipe" - pointing at the interval estimate of the population mean's formula

"I think we have more people over saturday night for dinner than at the 9.30 class…"

"Yes, part of it is math, but that's just part of the problem…!"

"Out here, in the trouble zone" [rejection region]

"So it's '20 after… And remember to brush your teeth tonight!"

"Nobody who thinks should be doing this…" [after spending a couple of minutes doing it]

"k is the number of independent variables, n is obviously the sample size, and then, 1… well, most of you know what that is!"

"mu (μ)... that sounds like something a cow would say!"

Marketing in a Dynamic World: Jorge Velosa

Prof: "So I ask you, what is the biggest driver for profit?"

Students: "Price."

Prof: "Duh!"

"If I assume that volume is fixed, I am killed."

Financial Management: Qinglei Dai

"'Pecking' is basically saying that managers are a bunch of chickens!"

Fall 2011: 1st half

"If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough"

Human Resources Management: Nuno Guimarães

“I don’t like managers – I am a manager myself, but I don’t like managers!”

“Managers are potential sociopaths”

“We are creating machines, not people – you are becoming senseless, heartless machines.”

“In the time that the baby boomers started to boom...”

Marketing in a Dynamic World: Jorge Velosa

“I hope you have taken a Marketing course before, because if you didn’t, you will suffer!”

“I've become an assassin: if I could, I would kill them…” [regarding the relationship between Customer Satisfaction and Customer Retention, in what concerns TV operators in Portugal]

Quality Management: Sonia Dahab

“You might not be doing good comparations”

“If I don't create a partnership with my supplier or my partner…”

“A supplier is like a girlfriend…”

“Well, fail is part of life…”

“Imagine I am the inventor of ice cream – so important!!”

“I am now the customer, you are the clients!” [oookay…]

“If there are any doubts we have an extra class to take out the doubts.”