Studying IS

Prof. Margarida Piteira

Prof.: “Twenty-three?”

Aluno: “What do you want?”

“Who is the group that is missing?”

“Next week is the last one – thank God!”

“And based on how the work is dóne…”

“Custómers needs”

“Nayvigaybiliti” [navigability]

“Almost last, chapter 11”

“Technologi and productivity”

“You will have a good evaluation: no more than 50!” […?]

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“Based on this class’ presentations, it seems that my passions are baseball and garbage… – well, only one is correct!”

“I think it’s a good case, and you’ll disagree…”

“What enables this? Your best friend: database!”

“Let’s go through it, I don’t want to destroy the excitement of knowing this!”

“If you have a strange accounting department that had a little too much fun the night before (…)”

“This is a big «no, no!» […] from the top, top!”

“Sorry. Man, I confuse myself!”

“So, that was kind of boring, right?” [depois de uns 20 minutos a falar de internet…]

“If you’re in this page and you have no idea what you’re doing, don’t worry, there’s excitement behind this page!!”

“In the internet there is no physical interaction – but in the real world, if you go to Zara, for instance, (…)”

“Is not for me to get pain – ‘cause I get a lot of pain…”

"And I got one [error] that really worried me out. This error said that I had done something successfully!"

“You’re the smartest group of students I’ve ever had!”

Studying Strategy

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“The president was pissed with me, obviously… but I was not fired, because I was the magician!”

“Wake up people! This is Strategy, good business!”

“Do you understand the problem we have in Europe? We’re doomed!”

“It’s very thin, very tasty, it’s fu--expensive!”

“This delusion that management is management is a delusion…” [whaaat?]

“They were extremely successful in bankrupting companies!”

“Really? I thought we fought, for many years, something called «freedom of speech» – in fact, we invented the fucking concept!”

“I will increase the grades of some people because of two reasons: first, because I can (…)”

“Where you will self inflict – inflict yourself (…)”

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“You’re paying a 4€ chocolate bar, why wouldn’t he tell you the story of how he fools you? – I bought it, by the way… – I lost all your respect, right? Well, but it is really good…!”

“The F word. The F shouldn’t be controversial. It should remind you about flowers…”

“It’s not 100% sure that you learn from success; if you’re stupid, you won’t learn!”

“Oh, I should be smarter!” [ao perceber que tinha feito uma pergunta que já estava respondida nos slides, quando um aluno disse a resposta, apontando para o ecrã]

“A rule of thumb is 5 or 6. It’s OK if you give me 5. You can give me 4, I’m totally OK with that. Actually, you can not answer at all!”

“Everything will sell in NYC, because there is someone weird enough to buy it!”

“Fuck, this is a great deal!”

“Don’t be retarded!”

Prof. Mark Wolters

“And then, we are going to talk about horizontal integration – in a non-dirty way!”

“Why would I sell to my competitors? No, no. Fuck you! You’re gone!”

“(…) but I’ve put all my eggs in Joana’s basket!”

Aluno: “What about the textbook?”

Mark: “What about it?”

Aluno: “Don’t we need it?”

Mark: “Guys, I’ve given this class for 4 years and I’ve never opened the textbook…”

Studying OM

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“IQ is equal to I times U”

“If you increase the speed of the elevator is worse because you increase the probability of failure, and then the elevator stops between 2 floors, and then you have people crying…”

“The time it makes to make the check-in”

“If you want an example… … … no, forget it. It’s too complex!”

“Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t like to compute that…” [depois de gritar e confessar que estava entusiasmado por, finalmente, ir calcular integrais]

“LOOK! There is a value there!” [a falar da tabela de “Loss Function” da Normal…]

“You will not never be able to sell units!”

“OK, this is all very nice, but (…)” [a desafiar o seu próprio argumento]

“And now, let’s do some magic!”

“We don’t never want variability, but variability is a part of life!”

“Let’s assume that we go there to buy chocapics, they don’t have, and we come back next Monday to buy them!”

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Como podemos ver [olha para a tela] desapareceu?! Coisas muito estranhas acontecem nesta sala… e tudo por culpa do Frederico, aposto!”

Frederico: “Professora, eu não vou dizer outra vez que se esqueceu de verificar o equilíbrio do sistema…”

Prof.: “Oh Frederico, você veja lá!”

“Ficam com KR. KR nada, estou a delirar!”

“Eu hoje estou completamente choné, mas não faça comentários!

“Criaturas! Por amor de Deus! Vamos morrer aqui, todos, assados!”

Studying Marketing

Prof. Paula Matos

“Your competitor is not anymore only the (…)”

“We don’t make babies in Portugal”

“We have the three: Introduction, Growth, Maturity, and Decline”

“Could you please slow down or to go out?”

“You milk the business!”

“My life is milk and cous!” [cows]

“And I have 2 examples, I guess, in the next slide”

“The hairs fly like waves”

“(…) in order to gain sensitibility”

“Let’s go to ask to my plan what went wrong”

“After three years, if the product continues in the market, which is the case in many, many cases (…)”

“It’s not at all difficult!”

“This plan should be current with the financial approach” [coherent]

“An animatic is a kind of banda desenhada”

“And you don’t invest too many money”

“So, market research can be used in almost everything – absolutely everything!”

“You want why? To know more!”

“I want why? I want why?”

“I’m talking about research because why?”

“I put myself on the position of a little bit ignorant”

Aluno: “I understand that theoretically, but, in the real life, who cares?

Prof.: [em choque] “Who cares? Who cares? We care!!”

“OK, you are just people…”

“The type of the product or the type of the category…” [the category of the product]

“I don’t want romances!”

Prof. Rafael Garrido

“He produces and, at the same time, sells the gods – goods!”

“(…) a shampoo was a shampoo – now you have different… er… flavors. [risos] well, not flavors, don’t drink them!”

Studying OB

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

[a falar de Justiça e OCB, e depois de o professor perguntar porque é que as pessoas denunciam as empresas...] Aluno: "It can be to get recognition."

Prof: "Yes, a cynical would say that!"

"You should know these things, this is Portuguese... Well, actually it's English, but it's the same!"

"Most people in the developed world – an even in Portugal (...)"

"When you read this in the exam you'll be like «WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!»"

[ainda a falar sobre o exame] "You won't be surprised, now you are expecting almost everything... But at least you are scared!!"

[e mais ainda…] "Don't try to guess what's in my mind... because you're not in my mind and I'm kind of twisted...!"

[depois de ninguém saber explicar o conceito de groupthink:] "When you're all drunk, and João is driving at 200km/h, and you're all saying «Go, João, go!», and then one of you says «Maybe you should stop the car» and the others say «Shut up! Go, João, go!». And then «BAM!!», and you all die. This is groupthink!"

"It'5 5 minutes before the end of the class, but I don't feel like going on..."

"É muito fácil impressionar pessoas ignorantes!"

[a falar sobre o exame – outra vez] "Isto é um bocado como o jogo do gato e do rato: vocês tentam copiar e nós tentamos apanhar-vos..."

[fazendo a distinção entre líderes e gestores] "Os líderes têm visão. Se bem que os gestores também têm olhos..."

"São duas coisas que eu gostava de fazer: uma é dar cursos de liderança; a outra é vender à minha sogra coisas caras que não servem para nada!"

[a contar uma conversa que ele e uma aluna tinham tido sobre o Mourinho] "«Mas não o acha minimamente carismático?» / «Não, não, ele é só parvo!»"

"Eu acho que se vivesse numa monarquia era monárquico; vivendo numa república sou republicano – o que é o mesmo que dizer que me estou a lixar para isso!"

"Mas qual é a legitimidade das bestas?!"

[a falar, novamente, sobre o exame…] "(...) motivation, job satisfaction - I'm so sick about this!"

Prof. Ricardo Rodrigues

Prof: "Do you remember the Hawthorn studies? [grande silêncio] Please say «yes!»."

Alunos: "Yes!"

Prof: "OK, good!"

Prof: "You have Marketing, right?"

Aluna: "No, Strategy."

Prof: "Whatever!"

inNOVAtion

Sessão de Esclarecimento de Dúvidas acerca dos Programas de Mestrado

Prof. Daniel Traça

“We like to think we’re innovative – you can just say we’re weird!...”

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

“How many times have government projections been right? Ah! Ah!”

“«Philosophy people, let’s do a spreadsheet!» / «Oh, I can do that. Here, I can spread these sheets!»”

“Every Tuesday we strike against a government that doesn’t exist anymore…”

“I was a dirty slug, I don’t remember!”

Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“We are more classy [than Spanish people] – or more dumb…”

“And I’m not the kind of person who mocks other people…”

“I had NO clothes… – well, I had SOME clothes, obviously!”

“I hope you read books, even though they are full of BBB and BLC – Big Bags of Bullshit and Big Loads of Crap.”

Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“If I started to talk about the Norwegian wood industry, you’d fall asleep – more than you already are.”

“I’m sure you already knew this, I was just trying to draw some nice things on the board” [depois de desenhar um autocarro, um comboio e um avião]

“(…) for chance, which is luck, and for government, which is bad luck!”

Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“With different amounts of economic levels…”

“Can I give me, myself, the pleasure (…)?”

“We are speaking with the eyes of the distribution!”

“That means that I don’t would have it as a target.”

“These exchanges are grouped… in some groups.”

“A big amount of quantity.”

“We continue next… tomorrow.”

“The consumer, in this case, is not a normal consumer; it’s me, for example.”

“You go out from the downtown” [quando as empresas seleccionam o local para se estabelecerem, p.e. supermercado que se afasta do centro da cidade]

“Don’t think that we live all in the same world, ‘cause we don’t. Bom… Everything clear?”

“Comparission” [comparison]

“We want to maximize the target that is consuming our product. Actually, or in the future.”

Prof. Rafael Garrido

“Here, you have already presented the market butt – budget!”

“If you’re analyzing the country of origin from the country (…)”

Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

“Reality is like something that happens…”

“Don’t be like hyenas – they just eat dirt and they’re always laughing…”

“(…) Imagine that one of them is you, and the other one is from Lusófona! *risos* For Erasmus students, it’s a joke, ‘cause Lusófona is lousy!”

“In Roman, in Roman, sorry, in Rome!...”

“The ice is breaked…”

“Amn’t I?!”

“They told me everything. Everything! Good stuff!”

“I don’t want, I don’t want – no, it’s not what I want… – I don’t want – and here I go again…”

Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“I’m not just asking a question, I’m also asking what will be my next question.”

Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Já tinha corrigido as notas (…)”

“O que é o Iq? Não é o Ikea, é o Iq…”

“Só para depois não gerar pânico…!”

“Porque é que eu comecei a calcular a probabilidade de P0? Não estou com nenhum delírio, não!”

“Não fiquem assustados com as fórmulas porque elas são o menor dos vossos problemas…!”

Prof: “O Frederico está desatento!”

[…]

Frederico: “A Professora está desatenta!” [depois de a professora ter perguntado o significado de I quando, na realidade, queria perguntar o significado de Tq]

Prof: “A melhor calculadora, teóricas, práticas, tudo! Podem trazer tudo!”

Aluno: “O exame é com consulta?!”

Prof: “Estou a brincar, não podem trazer nada!”

Prof: “Oh amarelo! João! Como é que você se chama?!”

Aluno: “Gonçalo!”

Sistemas de Informação

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“No questions on that? No? God, I’m good at this!”

Prof.ª Margarida Piteira

“Tomorrow you will always have 60 points!”