Sunday, April 10, 2011

inNOVAtion

Sessão de Esclarecimento de Dúvidas acerca dos Programas de Mestrado

Prof. Daniel Traça

“We like to think we’re innovative – you can just say we’re weird!...”



Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

“How many times have government projections been right? Ah! Ah!”

“«Philosophy people, let’s do a spreadsheet!» / «Oh, I can do that. Here, I can spread these sheets!»”

“Every Tuesday we strike against a government that doesn’t exist anymore…”

“I was a dirty slug, I don’t remember!”



Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“We are more classy [than Spanish people] – or more dumb…”

“And I’m not the kind of person who mocks other people…”

“I had NO clothes… – well, I had SOME clothes, obviously!”

“I hope you read books, even though they are full of BBB and BLC – Big Bags of Bullshit and Big Loads of Crap.”


Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“If I started to talk about the Norwegian wood industry, you’d fall asleep – more than you already are.”

“I’m sure you already knew this, I was just trying to draw some nice things on the board” [depois de desenhar um autocarro, um comboio e um avião]

“(…) for chance, which is luck, and for government, which is bad luck!”



Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“With different amounts of economic levels…”

“Can I give me, myself, the pleasure (…)?”

“We are speaking with the eyes of the distribution!”

“That means that I don’t would have it as a target.”

“These exchanges are grouped… in some groups.”

“A big amount of quantity.”

“We continue next… tomorrow.”

“The consumer, in this case, is not a normal consumer; it’s me, for example.”

“You go out from the downtown” [quando as empresas seleccionam o local para se estabelecerem, p.e. supermercado que se afasta do centro da cidade]

“Don’t think that we live all in the same world, ‘cause we don’t. Bom… Everything clear?”

“Comparission” [comparison]

“We want to maximize the target that is consuming our product. Actually, or in the future.”


Prof. Rafael Garrido

“Here, you have already presented the market butt – budget!”

“If you’re analyzing the country of origin from the country (…)”



Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

“Reality is like something that happens…”

“Don’t be like hyenas – they just eat dirt and they’re always laughing…”

“(…) Imagine that one of them is you, and the other one is from Lusófona! *risos* For Erasmus students, it’s a joke, ‘cause Lusófona is lousy!”

“In Roman, in Roman, sorry, in Rome!...”

“The ice is breaked…”

“Amn’t I?!”

“They told me everything. Everything! Good stuff!”

“I don’t want, I don’t want – no, it’s not what I want… – I don’t want – and here I go again…”



Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“I’m not just asking a question, I’m also asking what will be my next question.”


Prof.ª Graça Silva

“Já tinha corrigido as notas (…)”

“O que é o Iq? Não é o Ikea, é o Iq…”

“Só para depois não gerar pânico…!”

“Porque é que eu comecei a calcular a probabilidade de P0? Não estou com nenhum delírio, não!”

“Não fiquem assustados com as fórmulas porque elas são o menor dos vossos problemas…!”


Prof: “O Frederico está desatento!”

[…]

Frederico: “A Professora está desatenta!” [depois de a professora ter perguntado o significado de I quando, na realidade, queria perguntar o significado de Tq]


Prof: “A melhor calculadora, teóricas, práticas, tudo! Podem trazer tudo!”

Aluno: “O exame é com consulta?!”

Prof: “Estou a brincar, não podem trazer nada!”


Prof: “Oh amarelo! João! Como é que você se chama?!”

Aluno: “Gonçalo!”



Sistemas de Informação

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“No questions on that? No? God, I’m good at this!”


Prof.ª Margarida Piteira

“Tomorrow you will always have 60 points!”

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Back from the shadows

Jogo de Empresa

Prof. Mark Wolters

“I have no fucking chance in hell!”

“There’s hard, and then there’s fucking insane hard! And it was it…”

“(…) you motherfuckers!”

“And then you’re like «Dude, you’re a dick! Why didn’t you give me a cookie in the first place?!»”

“I could be friends with someone from Sporting, even though their retarded…”

“And guys, let me tell you, there are some ugly babies…”



Estratégia

Prof. José Manuel Fonseca

“I was passing by and I faced these 8 dead bodies in my living room…”

“In case you don’t have anything better to do in a Saturday afternoon, you can always screw your neighbor.”

“You must be aware that half of what I say is a blunt lie, and the other half is highly questionable…”

“Zé Manel, canalizador e outros desenrascanços, 24horas por dia, unipessoal limitada!”


Prof. Bernardo Pimentel

“Each truck has a radio and you can say all kinds of nasty things…”


Aluno: “What about mergers?”

Prof: “Virgins? What about them?”



Marketing

Prof.ª Paula Matos

“Ever age” / “Ever rage” [average]

“Cous” [cows]

“Could you please slow down or to go out?”

“You milk the business”

“My life is milk and cous, what do you expect?” [cous = cows]

“We have the three: introduction, growth, maturity and decline”

“Your competitor is not anymore only the…” [what?!]

“We don’t make babies in Portugal” [confere, eles vêm de França…]

“If you go to the R and D development center…” [and D stands for…?!]

“Let’s go to be smart!”

“Because why?”

“(…) er, sei lá! I don’t know!”

“Accountability” [accounting]

“It cannot be ped” [paid]


Prof. Rafael Garrido

“Ua-how?” [Whow = why + how]

“Hairplane” [airplane]

“Hage” [age]

“Hincome” [income]



Comportamento Organizacional

Prof. Ricardo Rodrigues

“You all want to eat and drink, which is fine!”


Prof. Nuno Guimarães da Costa

Aluno: “I have a doubt.”

Prof: “Not a doubt, a question; doubts are about God.”


Prof: “Imagine that you work at the cash regist-- regist--”

Aluno: “Register.”

Prof: “That!”


“I was driving at 230km/h… Stupid man!”



Gestão de Operações

Prof. Manuel Baganha

“Please try to guess what I’m looking for.”

“Don’t smile!”

“You’re making my life hard today…”

“What I have here is a quiz, but don’t worry; don’t start to leave now!”

“ IQ is equal to I times U.”

“The intuition here is not so much a question of intuition.”


Prof.ª Graça Silva

“104 pacotes de 4 bolinhos cada… - são bolinhos especiais!”

“(…) o trio aí de trás – mas você está incluído!” [a falar para o “trio” (de quatro elementos, a quem uns chamam quarteto) que estava a perturbar a aula]

“Isto é uma oferta para os benfiquistas que estão desgostosos.” [ao utilizar uma caneta vermelha no quadro]

“Tenho uma capacidade para interpretar a vossa mente… Sou quase mentalista!”

“É pleonasmo, né? Já não me lembro, mas vou ter que recordar, porque a minha criatura está a chegar a essa fase. Lá vou eu recordar esse drama…!”



Sistemas de Informação

Prof. Tomasz Miaskiewicz

“You can’t fix everyone’s pants!”


Prof.ª Margarida Piteira

“Who wants to be the first to start?”

“It’s the main basically”

“Custs” [costs]

“We must participate in a disciplaine way.”

“You must sink about (…)” [think]

“The responsibilitY of the discUssions (…)”



Contabilidade de Gestão

Prof. Rui Augusto

“We have two pussibilities” […]